In other news, in The Democratic Republic of The Congo, the nation which hosted Ali's famous "Rumble In The Jungle" with George Foreman in 1974, tens of thousands of people died last month. Most of the deaths were caused by preventable diseases, malnutrition, and armed conflict orchestrated by sadistic warlords fighting for control over the country's vast natural resources.
Approximately half of those who died last month were children. There is speculation that many of the children's lives could have been saved, or at least their deaths could have drawn enough international attention to prevent similar deaths in the future, but this is a moot point in light of the fact that very few, if any, of the children who died could punch hard, and none were fast on their feet. (There also wasn't much material for flamboyant TV personalities among them).
However, a group of philanthropic fight promoters from Las Vegas are providing a spark of hope. With the seemingly limitless resources of the sports industry, the Vegas Boxing Association employs some of the world's most accomplished bio-chemists, nutritionists, and pediatricians as scouts for future boxing talent. By applying sophisticated methods and equipment in conducting bone scans, muscle density and hand-eye coordination tests, these world class experts can determine the full athletic potential of children as young as four years old.
In honor of the nation that accommodated one of Ali's most famous fights, the VBA is considering deploying some of its elite talent scouts to The Congo to assess certain child populations for potential boxing talent and general athletic prowess.
In light of this news, many Congolese people have new hope. If the experts find any among them who are potentially fast, strong, and flamboyant enough to swell pay-per-view revenue, then there may finally be something in The Congo worth saving.
The part about the boxing talent scouts is a tongue-in-cheek fiction. But even if it were true it would be less absurd than the conspicuous absence of any news about the crisis in The Congo while Ali's death dominates world headlines.